my ascendant is wtf

When I was young enough to think I knew everything, I looked old enough that people listened.  Now that I'm old enough to admit I know little, I apparently look young enough that no one wants to listen to my well-researched facts.

I had a frustrating encounter a while back.

There was a young woman seeking to learn more about astrology.  The older woman confessed to not knowing much about astrology, specifically the stuff I had never delved too deeply into like trines and degrees and chirons, etc.  So I candidly expressed that I was no expert myself.  All I can say is, I really should give myself more credit.  Apparently my idea of not knowing a whole lot is a bit different than other people's.

First there was the usual conflation of astronomy and astrology.  I tried to explain that the Tropical zodiac we use in Western astrology has nothing to do with where the constellations have moved.  I went over all the basics I've said before in my other blog, like explaining in detail why your sign has not frikkin changed.  I had to clear up the usual cusp bullshit of "but this book says I'm a Cancer and this book says I'm a Leo."  (You have to go by the planetary placements the year you were born... not what the back of the TV guide says it is this year.)  I had to hear all about sun signs not fitting people as if the rest of their charts didn't even exist.  I didn't even bother getting into the decanates as I was already pulling blank looks at this point.

I heard just about every stereotypical misconception about astrology there is, and every time I tried to correct their misinformation I was merely listened to quietly and then they continued on with their conversation as if I had said nothing of relevance.  Did what I say really just go over their heads that much?  Or were they just thinking I couldn't possibly have the 'wisdom' of the older woman?

I felt so frustrated and impotent.  But this is pretty typical for my run-ins with the Pagan community.  This is also why I stay out of most political conversations.  It's one thing if we have differing opinions... but damn it, your opinions do NOT trump facts.

rawr

I hate how blogspot doesn't remove deleted posts from your dashboard until a century later.  I always see things that interest me, but turn out to have already been deleted.

door hinge

I received a call from someone I hadn't spoken to in a while.  It was a good conversation overall, but it dredged up some painful memories.  That night I had a rather vivid dream.  I was over my friend and her fiance's house eating oranges.  But tiny little bugs started crawling out of the orange slices, and then out of the other food as well.  I was remarkably calm in the dream even though I was intensely grossed out.  I feel like this dream might be more than too much pizza before bed... but I'm not sure how to interpret it other than the obvious - "bad", "decay", "ruin", most likely in regards to the phone call.

anam cara

I met a very special person on Oct 1st. 

That night I dreamt of this person.  He was wearing a Claddagh ring with a green stone that matched my celtic knot ring.  We were both wearing our rings on our left ring fingers.  I remember explaining to him that if the ring pointed outward it meant he was single, and if it pointed inward it meant he was married.  He flipped the ring inward and outward a few times, but I don't remember which way it ended up before I awoke. 

Botanica

Botanica

This came up in conversation and I could not think of the word.  It was driving me crazy.  OK, well I actually did remember the word but I kept thinking I had to be wrong because it meant "plants" and it's the name of a dungeon in WoW.

pagan fail

I know everyone was "new" to the craft at one point or another, but please try to use some common sense.  Do not burn toxic plants or hallucinogens... especially around company without telling them first.  Do I even need to explain why? 

Past Lives

I've always preferred the more concrete realms of magick and the occult. Now this may seem contradictory to some of you (especially if you think everything needs to be tested in a laboratory to be "concrete"), but I assure you - it's legit. I prefer Tarot because it has results I can verify. I prefer spellwork, especially nuanced spells, for the same reason. I have a hard time getting into such nebulous practices as past lives.  How do you verify something like that?

I'm not talking about stuff like little kids that remember past lives, including things that only the dead person would know (like something private they shared with their spouse).  I actually find that rather fascinating.  But what I'm talking about here is past life readings - whether done intuitively, with tarot cards, or some other method.

Most of the time it just seems like one person's word against another's.  One reader tells you you were one person, another reader tells you you were someone else entirely.  Could you have been both?  Sure.  But you would think that at least once in a while two of the readers would pick up on the same past life. 

The problem I've run into is one reader contradicting what another two readers have said, and what my gut tells me.  One person says I've been male 9 times out of 10 in my past lives.  Another person says I've been female in all my past lives.  So what is the truth?  Or are both bullshit?

A lot of times when  I hear readings, the ones done for me included, it feels like the reader is telling you either what they want to hear or what you want to hear.  I think a lot of readers let their own biases influence the reading.  Close minded people are less likely to tell you you were of the opposite sex.  Or perhaps they just see you as embodying your gender so strongly in this life that they can't fathom it could have been different.  Or maybe they have strong ties to a certain heritage or time period and thus imagine that you were apart of it.  Or they just craft an epic story that they know will appeal to you, feeding off what you want to be true and hints you've dropped rather than any sort of true insight.  It becomes a matter of one person's "opinion" versus another's - with no way to prove who is right.  So whose fantasy will prevail?

I told a friend about my most recent reading.  I explained that I felt the reader was wrong because I'd had two readings to the contrary, and my gut has always sided with those readings.  He countered that my "gut feelings" could be explained by psychology and brain chemistry.  (Well, maybe I was born with such brain chemistry as a reflection of my past lives?)  I got a bit annoyed at this point (I'm sorry if I was rude!).  Proving that my gut feeling is the result of brain chemistry neither proves nor disproves what may be my past lives.  In fact, those readings neither prove nor disprove anything either.  All I really have to sway me from believing one person over the other IS my gut feeling (and perhaps a few dreams, as I am not one of those people who claims to remember past lives).  And for all I know, there could be absolutely no such thing as reincarnation, and even the little kids with clear memories of past lives could be explained in some other way. 

In summation, I just feel like this is such a nebulous and subjective field of study and it really aggravates me when people try to assert what's true or false and get really pushy about it.  Especially when it challenges my gut... because there is no objective evidence here.  So why would I believe someone else's opinions over my gut (if I'm to believe in any of this at all)?